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Santa
Claus considers remote Salina base
Salina,
Kan., (December 4, 2009) - After years at the North Pole, pilot Kris
Kringle told reporters he is considering using the Salina
Municipal Airport as a seasonal base of operations in a press
conference held at the Salina Airport Authority.
Old St.
Nick couldn't ask for a better spot to locate for the Christmas season,
than the Salina Airport. Its
central location offers easy access to anywhere in the nation and
K-State at Salina right next door gives him the availability of the
latest in aviation technology and training.
The only
hang up Father Christmas faces is whether or not, after years of
scrutiny, he is willing to go through the hassle to finally update his
equipment and certificates to adhere to Federal Aviation Administration
standards. After all, Santa has
been in business longer than the FAA and if he took the time to correct
all his violations, its possible his flight my not even begin until
Independence Day.
"Although,
Mr. Kringle has been flying his reindeer-powered sleigh for centuries
with no official documentation of a crash, the FAA would more than
likely classify his craft as experimental," said Kurt Barnhart the
aviation department head at K-State at Salina. "We have a variety of cutting
edge aviation programs and could certainly facilitate Santa Claus in
proving the airworthiness and safety of his craft to get him on the
FAA's nice list."
Santa
would need a pilot's certificate, which he could get either at K-State
at Salina or from one of very qualified private instructors who operate
at the Salina Airport. Age would
be no barrier as long as he satisfied the requirements.
Using
reindeer in lieu of the more traditional 100LL Avgas (which can be
purchased at the Airport Authority's self-fueling station) poses an
interesting problem as well.
"I do
not have a spread sheet for this," said Shelli Swanson, the
Airport Authority's manager of finance and administration. "I'm still determining what kind
of fuel flowage fee is assessed to reindeer-powered equipment. And how can I bring myself to send
Santa Claus a bill?"
Avoiding
the use of tradition fuel for reindeer also raises concerns about the
use of wildlife mitigation tactics on the airfield.
"I've
been doing my darnest to keep deer and birds out of our airspace and
off the field," said Gunner Wiles, manager of operations and
wildlife mitigation enthusiast.
"Now I have to let them gallop right down the runway! And what happens if Heaven forbid I
mistake Blitzen for Bambi? I'm
sure to be stuck on the naughty list for the rest of my life!"
The
Airport Authority has always offered perspective tenants to build to
suit.
"If Santa needs stables we can
build Santa stables," said Tim Rogers, A.A.E., executive
director. "I don't think we
could ask for a better remote tenant than Santa Claus."
"I
can have a full package together as early as next Wednesday,"
added Kenny Bieker, manager of facilities. "It will be complete with a
light maintenance area for his sleigh, office spaces to review the
naughty and nice list, and living quarters for the reindeer."
As
accommodating as the airport might be, those oh-so-popular white
Christmases could still cause St. Nick some serious problems and legal
hang-ups.
"If
he wants to fly in the snow, that comes under Instrument Flight Rules
and he'd need an instrument rating in addition to his ordinary pilot's
certification," explained Bill Gross, a K-State at Salina
professor. "That's definitely
something we can assist him in.
He'd also need a two-way radio, IFR navigation equipment,
compass, altimeter, turn-and-bank indicator and so on aboard his
craft."
Santa's
biggest problem however, would be in getting FAA approval for his
notorious habit of flying low over houses in urban areas.
"FAA
regulations prohibit aircraft flying below 1,000 feet over any
inhabited territory," said Bruce Boyle, tower manager at SLN. "And believe me, they are real
sticklers when it comes to the rules."
Santa
Claus, of course, could cut through all the red tape by asking the
President to waive the rules and regulations in his case.
"If the White House receives a
request from Santa Claus, the White House would at that time give the
request some consideration," commented a White House spokesman.
But it
seems doubtful that elusive old ST. Nick would bother getting special
dispensation from the president when he only makes one trip a year.
That's
just not Santa's bag.
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